It's December again and time to write some more thoughts. I have had this blog since 2005, but only really post each year to add another line to the list of years. It is unlikely that anyone reads anything on here.
I feel like nothing I do makes any difference to anyone. I quit my job in environmental consulting in September, and had to wait until October to actually stop. Financially, this was a terrible decision, I missed out on yet another bonus. Morally, I could not take it any more. I have come to believe that all work carried out in an office is corrupt and immoral. Putting money before human lives, before environment, etc.. Writing proposals and reports for environmental services to companies that manufacture weapons - that kill people, make craters in the planet, and ultimately burn fuel for no good reason - seems counter-intuitive. Justifying this practice with "if we don't then someone else will" doesn't seem like a suitable method to combatting climate change. Universally blackballing these companies, such that they are unable to obtain the correct credentials and have to pay the fines seems a more suitable option.
Ah well, this is no longer my problem to solve.
I am sick of living in a world of people that only want to do what will put the most money in their bank accounts, regardless of the consequences.
This year I have been journaling a fair amount. Somewhat of a late resolution. Some weeks I did every day, some weeks not at all, better than nothing. I need to catch up, but at the moment I am working nights and haven't had anything I feel like writing... I think this can count as an entry anyway.
My car broke down (clutch went) on Thursday morning after work. Got towed to a garage for £165. The garage said it will cost £1,500 to fix... There goes my last 3 weeks of work in one go. What's the point???Potentially should have tried to fix it myself, but the tools needed would probably cost about as much as just getting them to fix it. I hope they aren't scamming me.
I have been hanging out with a few people a fair amount. Open mic nights on Thursday and Sunday at the Oxford have been fun, and I have written new songs. Had the best date idea with a girl I met there. She is obsessed with spiderman, I took her to an arcade bar with a PS1 to play the spiderman game. Been meeting up with her since... However, since starting work, my meltdowns have come back and I am scared that I am scaring her off. This of course manifests scaring her off... I am stressed out with life. Feel as if I have no purpose, no reason to get out of bed.
On that note, I very much enjoy sleep... Have dream adventures with no repercussions. Then I wake up and have to work and survive.
