tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-149360782024-02-07T02:14:44.530+00:00Joel's ThoughtsJoel Fernandez' BlogJoelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01135446784034611865noreply@blogger.comBlogger279125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-47739870508716183022023-12-16T19:08:00.003+00:002023-12-17T10:10:41.506+00:00A letter to my mum<p> Dear mum,</p><p><br /></p><p>It’s 1 year since you left this place and I hope it’s peaceful and painfree where you are.</p><p><br /></p><p>I think about you everyday. I miss being able to talk to you, because there aren’t a whole lot of people I feel comfortable opening up to. There aren’t a lot of people that understand me like you did, but then you raised me. I miss coming to talk to you every time I left the house. </p><p><br /></p><p>It’s a struggle with you gone. Most people don’t understand how this feels and I have very little patience for nearly anyone these days. I struggle to see the point in work, or why we do anything, I don’t want to look back and wish I had spent less time working, but the world is so expensive.</p><p><br /></p><p>You would be proud of me for the things I have done in the last year, I know that much, but I am struggling to keep going with it. The way this world is drives me insane and all I want is it to stop.</p><p>I know you would have done anything for more time.</p><p><br /></p><p>Joel</p><p>x</p>Joelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01135446784034611865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-19600803532860681802023-11-27T12:53:00.000+00:002023-11-27T12:53:03.963+00:00When everything seems hopeless<p><b>When everything seems hopeless</b></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-size-adjust: auto;">Even in the darkest night,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">A torch’s light cuts through it, bright.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Even in the dullest days,</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Tops of clouds see the sun’s rays.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">When all hope seems on the brink,</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Just be calm, take time to think,</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">At least a place is there that’s dark,</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">A place that, one day, light can arc.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Just chill out, take time to be,</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The dark will pass, and then you’ll see,</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">When everything seems hopeless,</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The world will turn, regardless.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">JRF</span></p>Joelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01135446784034611865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-9499489986885524492022-02-12T00:53:00.001+00:002022-02-12T00:53:16.887+00:00Monologue<p>I seem to just come on here when I am sad about stuff or when it's Christmas, and it's not Christmas.</p><p>"Jealousy is an ugly emotion, but it tells the truth. You mostly envy those who have something you desire" - Susan Cain.</p><p>Sometimes I get trapped in a feeling. The rage builds up and unless someone is there to stop me feeling it or calm me down, it will get to the point where I will alienate everyone. This always results in the same ending. I end up alone and feel like shit, knowing that I am in the wrong. I wish I could see myself going into one of these spirals as it happens, instead of when it is too late.</p><p>We envy people that have success in places that we don't have success in. This is a result of having insecurity in who we are as people. So the less secure we feel, the more we envy other people's security. </p><p>I should be secure in myself by now, but am not. I keep having ideas thinking - maybe if I get a job I will feel secure - maybe if I have more friends I will feel secure - maybe if I improve this skill I will feel secure - maybe if I have a house I will feel secure. But I don't think any of these things will help. Instead it is a mindset that I need.</p><p>People always suggest therapy; tried this last year. I just don't think therapists really know what they need to draw out of me. I don't even know this, so how could they? So, I just resort to circling around the same few topics. I felt as though I was pouring 1/8 of my paycheque down the drain. Then everyone asks me why I stopped.</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>So it turns out I'm fine, just was in a bit of a complex state, figured out a whole friendship I had turned into a really toxic gaslighting situation. So I fixed that because now we both understand gaslighting better we are not stuck in it any more. If you can care about someone so much that you both remain friends after this sorta thing then you must really love each other (in the platonic sense, of course).</p><p>I have found the Duncan Trussell Family Hour (DTFH) podcast very helpful to listen to with regard to topics such as existentialism, which I think I've struggled with my whole life. I would get overtly angry about my lack of reason-for-being, but that podcast calms me down significantly.</p><p>There are so many stresses out there. I am working hard to build up. I am succeeding in work - which I understand has been helped by my middle-class parents; that I have never felt financially pressured or had to worry about where my next meal is coming from; and the fact that the ethnicity I happened to be born into has bullied all the other ethnicities for however many years to the point that now, despite that our ethnicity has collectively realised that this is wrong (with a disturbingly large number of stragglers), we still have so much inequality that we still need to equalise, so many inequalities that most of us don't even realise are inequalities. I digress. I mean I am succeeding in the actual day to day stuff, which helps when you are trying to buy a house.</p><p>I'm currently working on buying a house or flat, which is a hard enough feat to accomplish even after you have acquired enough income for it. Buying a house is like hurdles... Except all the hurdles are like high jumps of varying sizes depending on the situation you happen to be born into and where you want to live. The rich and powerful and all those governments being possessive over who can live in what areas. It's a bit idealistic, I know, but why can't we work together? We can achieve so much more collectively as a species than if we spend all this time and energy fighting each other. Everyone I meet at the moment seems so lovely, so how do all these assholes end up in charge?!? Is there like a secret population of nasty hermits who control everything and only show up on voting days? Or is everyone just faking being nice?</p><p style="text-align: center;"><b>Stop waving your genitals at each other and work together.</b></p>Joelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01135446784034611865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-71958349578965168742021-12-25T00:43:00.004+00:002021-12-25T00:43:34.749+00:00Christmas 2021<p> Hi all, Joel here, I just wanted to wish you all a merry Christmas and a happy new year.</p><p>This has been an interesting year for me… Been changing my mind about where I want to live every few months; had a political protest where I donated a month of my salary to charity; had my largest ever pay check; learnt a lot about myself; became more in touch with my feminine side; got closer to my best friend.</p><p>I’ve sort of settled on Bristol as the next place to live in my life. This has bounced between London and Portsmouth in the past, but I have decided that I need something new and can’t afford London anyway, and it is so big it is not really a sustainable place to live. London is designed to try to screw you out of money. I don’t know a Londoner who hasn’t been caught by the scam that is the ANPR network. Google maps doesn’t know about the network of taxi and bus only lanes. It’s designed to catch you out! So even I have been caught out by this, this year.</p><p>Things are going fairly well financially. I got a new used car this year. RIP to the OLW (scrapped for charity) and hello NiKU. Already had my first RTC in it, no damage to me but like £6k damage to the other person. Kinda sucks. Just want the insurance companies to stop calling me every now and again and deal with it like we pay them to. But ah well.</p><p>In terms of self discovery I have I have had 8 weeks of counselling because I needed help with some stuff. Ended up quitting because I felt like I had run out of stuff to talk about. I want to start a podcast as a result of these sessions. But i need to plan that in advance.</p><p>At work I have been working on lots of Target Setting related stuff. I feel I have upped the company’s value a fair amount. I just need to get better at teaching people how to use my products, particularly the product footprint calculator. Target setting has gone well though!</p><p>In terms of faith. I am currently distant spiritually. I am struggling a bit with a lot of the hypocrisy at churches. But when you call anyone out they point you in the direction of Matthew 7:1-5. So it is impossible to really get through to them.</p><p>Having realised I connect and relate very well with autistic people and people with ADHD, I have considered seeing if i can get a diagnosis for one of these. However, in my opinion these “disorders” are the worlds way of saying “you don’t fit in” which is ridiculous. My autistic and ADHD friends are the most interesting people I have met.</p><p>I have been to free parties this year. These included a drum circle event. It just involved loads of people getting in the flow with each other. The culture is incredible! The rich don’t realise that the rest of us just want to live freely. Is that too much to ask?</p><p>My protest I did this year was a success. I donated my November basic salary to a 3 charities (info here: www.denytaxdonate.org). This was to protest government spending, giving money to themselves and their mates in exchange for a donation to the Tories. Definitely syphoning our taxes. </p><p>There are other self discoveries I have had this year, but I don’t feel comfortable discussing these at the moment. There is so much I would love to say.</p><p>But anyway, Merry Christmas everyone and happy new year!</p>Joelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01135446784034611865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-62144295729025027042020-12-27T12:05:00.003+00:002020-12-27T12:05:29.834+00:00Christmas, new year etc<p>So we have pretty much just gone round the sun again. This year, for the first time in my life I’m financially stable, with no dependents (single and no kids). </p><p>Anyway, the way we do our Christmas presents on dad’s side of the fam is sort of a secret Santa. I got given one of my cousin’s names. So I bought what was on her list and sent it to her. Didn’t think it was a big deal. Anyway, my aunt sent back £25 saying ‘it wasn’t fair’. I don’t think Christmas is about what is fair and what isn’t. Why can’t people just accept gifts? Someone recommend me a charity and they can have this money.</p><p>On another note, who reckons 2021 will be just as bad as 2020? At least in 2020 we had until March to be free! I guess we’ll see how effective this vaccine is. I just want to party.</p><p>My sister just left but when my sister said ‘I’m going to have to go soon’, our google home said ‘we’re looking forward to it’. If that isn’t the most savage thing one of these AI assistant things has said then I don’t know what is.</p><p>Some resolutions for the next year:</p><p>- Release a single</p><p>- Make some new friends</p><p>- Make plans for a skate ramp, 300Wh battery pack, van</p><p>- Go to at least 1 festival</p><p><br /></p>Joelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01135446784034611865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-78842185076738673102020-07-11T23:25:00.002+01:002020-07-11T23:33:35.769+01:00Be different. Be yourself. Stop stereotyping.<div style="text-align: justify;">
If you are going to comment on this, please make sure to read the whole thing first.</div>
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As many people will know, gender has been one of the major controversial topics of the 21st century. To be quite honest, I think the whole thing is sexist.</div>
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So where does gender come from? As humans we notice patterns. We grow up and we see biological men and biological women and we invent stereotypes of what we see these men are like and what we see these women are like and so on and so forth. These stereotypes are completely fabricated by our own minds and we can't stop ourselves creating these. They are also reinforced by advertising and marketing. These stereotypes are completely based on what we see other people doing outwardly (obviously we don't have eyes inside other peoples' heads).</div>
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We then look at ourselves and we notice that we don't fit in to these stereotypes. For example, I am a straight man but I wouldn't say I fit the "manly stereotype", I am fairly "stereo-typically feminine" so to speak. But this does not mean I am not a man and it also does not mean I am not straight. I had counselling once and the counsellor tried to "diagnose me" as trans (yes it was CAMHS). I have also had a fair number of people ask me if I am and accuse me of being gay (partly because I am not constantly hitting on women - a straight male stereotype), but sexuality is not what I am talking about here. </div>
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Basically, the problem is that people want to put labels on things. Then when they don't fit the labels they were assigned (i.e. their biological sex), they believe that they should be something else so they can fit in.</div>
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This is all completely stupid. You can be a man and wear high heels and make up and be submissive. You can be a woman and play American football, have high aggression and be dominant. The fact is that all humans are different and we should not define ourselves by these umbrella categories of different "genders". If there were no such thing as "gender stereotypes" and everyone would just be themselves (a human with a penis, or a human with a menstrual system), then there would be none of these problems of gender dysphoria. </div>
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By claiming that you should have been part of another sex (using gender), you are being sexist, claiming that all people of your assigned biological sex are like one thing (that you aren't), and all people of the other assigned biological sex are like another thing (which you are). This is stereotyping, stop doing it. </div>
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<b>Be different. Be yourself. There is no such thing as gender. You don't need to fit in</b>.</div>
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I'll probably get a lot of hate for this.</div>
Joel Fernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07863736532534858014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-65641241380625593232020-01-15T01:02:00.000+00:002020-01-20T02:07:49.473+00:00Existential crises, motivation and doing nothing...<div style="text-align: justify;">
These three things are a vicious cycle. I find it so hard to motivate myself to do anything, because there is very little that makes me feel satisfied or accomplished. This inevitably leads to doing nothing as I can't get the drive for it. As a result I overthink and contemplate life. This causes existential crises which cause another reduction in motivation, continuing the cycle.</div>
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It's difficult to know where the loop starts but I think it comes from doing nothing, even for a short time. This is unpreventable, if we constantly did stuff we would crash due to fatigue eventually. I want to surround myself with motivated people, the kind that truly believe they can accomplish anything. I wish I could believe that for myself. I guess this comes down to my lack of confidence which I also want to talk about.</div>
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Confidence is all about tricking people into believing you know what you are doing or talking about. The fact is, no one actually knows what they are doing or talking about they just make you think they do. Confidence is the key to getting a job, making friends, dating etc.. To have confidence you just need to be able to remember that no one is going to judge you. We are so self-absorbed as people that we constantly fear rejection and judgement, all the while not judging or rejecting other people. Why would people reject or judge us if we aren't doing the same to them? All this is made worse by social media, people faking their lives for likes, shares and followers, making everything seem perfect. </div>
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The "clean house" theory. I currently still live with my parents, so I let them know when I have a friend to stay. However, my mother feels the need to obsessively clean the house as though the people I have invited actually care about what the house looks like when they come. When they are here, they see not a spec of dust. This is what my parents want them to see. They would come to my house regardless of whether the house was clean or not. They came to see me, not the house. This is the propaganda version of our house. </div>
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Why can't we just be honest with everyone instead of subconsciously projecting lies in everything we do?</div>
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Joelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01135446784034611865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-34533847733735727682019-08-15T15:41:00.000+01:002019-08-15T15:41:53.183+01:00The Brexit party is a scam (and Farage is not pro-Brexit)<div style="text-align: justify;">
Nigel Farage could not care less whether we leave or remain, I actually think his plan is to stretch Brexit out for as long as possible.</div>
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The longer we are in the EU, the longer Farage and his Brexit party MEPs effectively receive £78,000 per year (plus expenses) each for doing nothing. Now, the Brexit party plans to have someone running for MP in each constituency, this would slash the Tory vote in half, something that Farage knows. This would mean we are more likely to remain in the EU, which means that Farage can keep raking in the money from the EU, but still look like he is pro-Brexit.</div>
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Farage has been profiting off the back of Brexit ever since he became an MEP, long before the term "Brexit" was even conceived.</div>
Joelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01135446784034611865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-36420547409867668302018-12-26T22:54:00.000+00:002018-12-26T22:54:05.044+00:002018In my final year of uni I have come to the realisation that I will be graduating in this academic year. This terrifies me. I've finally got the hang of uni and now I have to leave.<br />
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One of the things I'm going to miss most is playing American Football. This isn't something I'll really get to continue after uni.<br />
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Basically After June I don't know what I'm going to do. I have no certainty. I don't know what I want to do with my career, I don't have a love life, and I don't know how to meet new people without being in education. When I graduate, all my social, academic and professional things will go and I don't know what to do about it.<br />
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I will be 22 and feeling like the most enjoyable 4 years of my life has ended. Where do I go from here?<br />
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One option is to stay at uni. This is tempting but I can't afford this option. Also I don't think I want to do anything that is on offer. PhDs are not my thing and the only other thing Surrey offers that I think I could potentially do is post-grad nursing, but I don't think this is right for me either.<br />
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I could also go into engineering, but I don't think this is the right career direction for myself. I just will not be satisfied by this. In terms of Careers, I have been most satisfied in the part-time job at the SU, but I will lose this job pretty much when I graduate.<br />
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The next option is to procrastinate getting a job, so to speak. This wouldn't be fair on my parents as I will have no money, so I won't be able to afford anything. Also, I don't want to live with my parents for ages.<br />
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Ideally I would play music for a living but I don't think I'd get lucky in this regard.<br />
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All in all, I am scared of leaving uni and I don't want June to come. </div>
Joelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01135446784034611865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-36975463920493441422018-03-29T23:01:00.000+01:002018-03-29T23:01:22.057+01:00Accomodating my anxietiesI'm completely terrified. I'm looking for somewhere to live in Guildford again and so far it's all gone wrong. The group I was looking with got campus accomodation and I'm stuck looking. The average this year is about £570pppm just on rent and I can't afford it if it goes above £530pppm. My application for campus accommodation didn't go through the first time and the second attempt wasn't successful. I don't want to commute from home but it is looking more and more likely that I'm going to have to. It keeps me up at night that I don't know where I'm going to live. I don't have time to think about it.<br />
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I need to learn a whole module because one of our lecturers is completely useless. At the same time I want to have a life... I kind of regret not going on tour but I also didn't really have time to. I'm trying my hardest at everything but apparently that's not good enough.Joelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01135446784034611865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-65109792985898895692017-12-05T01:15:00.001+00:002017-12-05T01:15:20.435+00:002017...So where am I at? I am pushing this yesr at uni. Not just academically. I got a job in the students union and if you know me I've probably gone on and on about it. But the fact is, it is like a drug to me. I can literally just turn off when working a Wednesday or Friday night and that is thr beauty of it. The people there are amazing also.<br />
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The course is a bit of a grind at the moment. But I'm not the only one that feels this way. One of my best friends since first year is dropping out and I'm really going to miss him. I just don't really truly understand his decision but I'll still support him all the way.<br />
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But here is the thing, life is scary in the way it moves so fast. I was just thinking about how you move between friends. I don't speak to anyone from before uni (except church people), but even people I met at uni I have lost contact with. My whole flat in first year, I speak to none of those 13 any more. It is probably the most depressing thing about life.<br />
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I have met so many new people this year, am trying to go to CU and church more, and ultimately am just trying to keep occupied. This isn't hard with the CFD coursework and group project PDR deadlines looming, but I mean outside academia. I even go to the gym! I miss doing parkruns but the gym is the next best thing.<br />
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As for my housemates: Paul has vowed to stop drinking (again... You should have seen him the other night); Miriam is the best gym buddy ever but I miss her when I don't see her at weekends; Emily is hooking up with people left right and centre; Belinda is hooking up with someone too. But most of all everyone loves getting in my bed... Not in that way... Just hanging out, rewatching episodes of How I Met Your Mother... Yaknow.<br />
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Still feel sort of alone though. This adds to that I need to either find someone to live with next year or hold my fingers crossed I can get student accommodation. All my friends plan to go on placements or are leaving next year... So I'm going to struggle with that. But hey ho...<br />
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Christmas couldn't get here soon enough... Keep rockin' and peace out...Joelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01135446784034611865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-31337921480141743992017-03-21T00:01:00.003+00:002017-03-21T00:01:44.191+00:00Have you ever?Have you ever felt isolated?<br />
Crying whenever you're alone,<br />
Feeling weak and helpless,<br />
But you can't say a word.<br />
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Have you ever felt useless?<br />Trying your best at what you love,<br />
But you are never good enough,<br />
No one appreciates your work.<br />
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Does it ever feel futile?<br />
Earning money just to live,<br />
But not to enjoy living,<br />
The soul-crushing circles of life.Joel Fernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07863736532534858014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-6443208855291921582016-12-28T00:51:00.001+00:002016-12-28T00:51:46.809+00:002016... Hey guys,<br />
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2016 has been TERRIBLE. I'm not just saying this because of what we see in the media, though I wish peace to all the families of all those who have died, and pray for all those suffering in places like Aleppo.<br />
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My personal year has been terrible. Okay, I passed my 1st year of university. But most things haven't gone a way that would make me happy. I broke up with my ex girlfriend early this year. I hurt and cried. But then I felt I could deal with it. But that was when I realised how alone I feel. There was another girl but right when I realised how much I loved her I'd already messed things up. She was the nicest person and I lose it. The trouble is that I still struggle to get over this (Sorry this doesn't make much sense). So now I feel super lonely.<br />
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As for university, I am stressed out. I have a PDR I need to write by Jan 10th and exams to revise for. I can't do any of it. I suck at engineering. I want to play music. I get stressed to the point where I struggle to breathe. I just want a break from this.<br />
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There have been good times. Work was fun over summer. But I kind of struggled with finding me time if you get me. Reading Festival was amazing and I want to go to next years (that I can't afford).<br />
<br />Mum relapsed with cancer this year and has just about finished chemo. It will probably always be like this but it is really worrying. I love my mum...<br />
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I am struggling to write this and I don't know where it is going. It's kind of stressing me out. But anyway. I'm going ice skating tomorrow. Good night.<br />
<br />Joel Fernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07863736532534858014noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-40985252672099949192015-12-02T01:54:00.001+00:002015-12-02T01:54:29.416+00:0010 years on...So I haven't posted anything this year until now. I realise that there is probably no one reading this, and to be honest that is a good thing. This post is just to comfort myself by there being a post every year on this blog since 2005.... Woah... 10 years.... 10 years since my dad made this thing for me.<br />
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Right now I am in my first year at the University of Surrey, studying aerospace engineering. I guess back when I was 8 I had no clue that I would be here. I probably didn't really know what university was, or even what secondary school was. I get this feeling that I am growing up far too fast. Seeing my past written down on a blog brings up so many memories. Then the nostalgia kicks in.<br />
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I reread a couple of posts from when I was 8. The first one was entitled "I'M SICK!!!". Clearly I hadn't quite learnt how to spell "diarrhoea", but then I always do use the spell checker on that word! Anyway, the reason I bring up this particular event was because, as I read it, I remembered it so clearly. I remember so well going to the bathroom and flooding it with my vomit. I remember why it happened, and my mum's reaction as well! Those details aren't even written in the post. The point is, I can remember some things as if they were yesterday, when in fact they were 10 years ago.<br />
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The other post I reread was actually my first ever post. Posted on 29 July 2005 at 7.18 pm, I had reviewed (well explained the plot of) the book "Cool!" by Michael Morpurgo. It is very odd that just a couple of weeks ago, someone reminded me of Michael Morpurgo, and so I started remembering this book. I can remember what happened in the book, despite only reading it the once over 10 years ago. I know that this book is still on my shelf at home, and I am tempted to read it again. This will bring back old memories.<br />
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On another note, there are some memories that seem to bring you down just after the memory happened. Some people call them the "blues". For example, the "post gig blues" you get after a gig. I was at the Bring Me The Horizon gig on 28 November 2015 at Alexandra Palace. The gig was amazing, but after the high you get from the gig wears off, you suddenly realise that the thing you had been waiting months for is over... And that is that... You spend ages watching the videos you took at the gig and that is it.... The memory has caught up with you literally a few hours after the memory took place.<br />
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Anyway..... Anyway...... ANYWAY........... This post really doesn't have a point to it and I don't really know why I am posting it... But I just hope that if you are unfortunate enough to be the one person reading this post, that you realise that no matter what you do.... You will not escape your memories. Your memories will catch up to you, whether it be 2 days or 10 years from now, or maybe when you are on your death bed.<br />
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Thank you, random citizen, for reading this senseless ramble... I apologise for the poor grammar (It is 1:52 am). I just felt like getting all this off my chest....Joelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01135446784034611865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-43530654669770874052014-03-08T21:27:00.001+00:002014-03-08T21:27:03.205+00:00Learning to Drive!<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/Ycxz17fLi9E" width="480"></iframe>Joel Fernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07863736532534858014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-50327155579332118952014-03-04T22:25:00.001+00:002014-03-04T22:25:40.918+00:00Growing up...<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/mKzWbPRtLDc" width="480"></iframe>Joel Fernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07863736532534858014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-54671618209048265982014-03-03T00:10:00.001+00:002014-03-03T00:10:53.149+00:00Demotivation and Teacher Corruption<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/bak2jSYR9yg" width="480"></iframe>Joel Fernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07863736532534858014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-12313251366886201782014-02-21T15:12:00.001+00:002014-02-21T15:12:12.699+00:00How To Get Your Driving Licence Scam Free (UK)<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/J78uxP6TM-g" width="480"></iframe>Joel Fernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07863736532534858014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-8032045150736207372014-01-22T17:50:00.001+00:002014-01-22T17:50:31.179+00:00Sex Drugs & Alcohol (My Impression of a pop Song)- Joel Fernandez<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/7AUHUMm4BKk" width="480"></iframe>Joel Fernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07863736532534858014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-71757771033841538222013-12-05T17:51:00.001+00:002013-12-05T17:51:33.901+00:00People I Can't Stand...<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/UVYnQBx5AQ8" width="459"></iframe>Joel Fernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07863736532534858014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-82659228259520453582013-11-16T12:16:00.001+00:002013-11-16T12:16:01.741+00:00Scotland Yard isn't in Scotland???<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/ecwrYATXWi4" width="480"></iframe>Joel Fernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07863736532534858014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-71318548854868562042013-11-04T23:23:00.001+00:002013-11-04T23:23:34.211+00:00Living A Sonic Lifehttp://www.youtube.com/v/59RfnTYv1wM?autohide=1&version=3&showinfo=1&attribution_tag=oE2KvbwXInpx9kQ0PCPiDw&autoplay=1&autohide=1&feature=shareJoel Fernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07863736532534858014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-11016192507369793932013-09-26T23:40:00.001+01:002013-09-26T23:40:08.555+01:00Winning Minesweeper Every Time!<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/QgGPq65SdMM" width="459"></iframe>Joel Fernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07863736532534858014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-54341562730237635962013-08-05T19:33:00.003+01:002013-08-05T19:33:27.439+01:00How To Annoy Everyone In The World...<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/26W-sbWBX4g" width="480"></iframe>Joel Fernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07863736532534858014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14936078.post-47430228073294009332013-08-05T19:33:00.001+01:002013-08-05T19:33:26.858+01:00How To Annoy Everyone In The World...<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/26W-sbWBX4g" width="480"></iframe>Joel Fernandezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07863736532534858014noreply@blogger.com0