Monday, May 07, 2018

My experience of living with girls

I have lived with members of the opposite sex every year of my life so far. Some things never seem to change. I don't know whether it is hormonal or what, but in every house with more than one woman there will be some kind of pointless fight between them. There is no way you can intervene in these bouts and they are all completely unnecessary.

Sometimes I wonder if it is just alpha female syndrome. This used to happen a lot at home between my sisters and my mum. I can never quite understand how the arguments start but they sure take a while to end. But the way it happened always reminded me of the way animals fight each other to take dominance over the group. If it hasn't happened yet in your family home I can guarantee it will when someone turns 18.

With housemates, I find that the arguments are normally just pointless spats for no apparent reason, or an overreaction to something that has happened. Then, once they have fallen out they just end up going at each other with the sole purpose to aggravate them. Like why don't you want to just be friends again? Why do you have to making things worse?

My male housemate and I have both noticed this and decided it is most definitely a girl thing. Call us sexist if you must but we are speaking from experience here (he also has a sister). We normally just stay out of it because we'd rather be friends with everyone than have to get involved in such a pointless debate.

You'll probably hate me for this post but quite honestly, I am sick and tired of all the arguments that start due to stupid things. If anyone knows how to stop the fighting please comment/message.

Thursday, March 29, 2018

Accomodating my anxieties

I'm completely terrified. I'm looking for somewhere to live in Guildford again and so far it's all gone wrong. The group I was looking with got campus accomodation and I'm stuck looking. The average this year is about £570pppm just on rent and I can't afford it if it goes above £530pppm. My application for campus accommodation didn't go through the first time and the second attempt wasn't successful. I don't want to commute from home but it is looking more and more likely that I'm going to have to. It keeps me up at night that I don't know where I'm going to live. I don't have time to think about it.

I need to learn a whole module because one of our lecturers is completely useless. At the same time I want to have a life... I kind of regret not going on tour but I also didn't really have time to. I'm trying my hardest at everything but apparently that's not good enough.

Tuesday, December 05, 2017


So where am I at? I am pushing this yesr at uni. Not just academically. I got a job in the students union and if you know me I've probably gone on and on about it. But the fact is, it is like a drug to me. I can literally just turn off when working a Wednesday  or Friday night and that is thr beauty of it. The people there are amazing also.

The course is a bit of a grind at the moment. But I'm not the only one that feels this way. One of my best friends since first year is dropping out and I'm really going to miss him. I just don't really truly understand his decision but I'll still support him all the way.

But here is the thing, life is scary in the way it moves so fast. I was just thinking about how you move between friends. I don't speak to anyone from before uni (except church people), but even people I met at uni I have lost contact with. My whole flat in first year, I speak to none of those 13 any more. It is probably the most depressing thing about life.

I have met so many new people this year, am trying to go to CU and church more, and ultimately am just trying to keep occupied. This isn't hard with the CFD coursework and group project PDR deadlines looming, but I mean outside academia. I even go to the gym! I miss doing parkruns but the gym is the next best thing.

As for my housemates: Paul has vowed to stop drinking (again... You should have seen him the other night); Miriam is the best gym buddy ever but I miss her when I don't see her at weekends; Emily is hooking up with people left right and centre; Belinda is hooking up with someone too. But most of all everyone loves getting in my bed... Not in that way... Just hanging out, rewatching episodes of How I Met Your Mother... Yaknow.

Still feel sort of alone though. This adds to that I need to either find someone to live with next year or hold my fingers crossed I can get student accommodation. All my friends plan to go on placements or are leaving next year... So I'm going to struggle with that. But hey ho...

Christmas couldn't get here soon enough... Keep rockin' and peace out...

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Have you ever?

Have you ever felt isolated?
Crying whenever you're alone,
Feeling weak and helpless,
But you can't say a word.

Have you ever felt useless?
Trying your best at what you love,
But you are never good enough,
No one appreciates your work.

Does it ever feel futile?
Earning money just to live,
But not to enjoy living,
The soul-crushing circles of life.

Wednesday, December 28, 2016


Hey guys,

2016 has been TERRIBLE. I'm not just saying this because of what we see in the media, though I wish peace to all the families of all those who have died, and pray for all those suffering in places like Aleppo.

My personal year has been terrible. Okay, I passed my 1st year of university. But most things haven't gone a way that would make me happy. I broke up with my ex girlfriend early this year. I hurt and cried. But then I felt I could deal with it. But that was when I realised how alone I feel. There was another girl but right when I realised how much I loved her I'd already messed things up. She was the nicest person and I lose it. The trouble is that I still struggle to get over this (Sorry this doesn't make much sense). So now I feel super lonely.

As for university, I am stressed out. I have a PDR I need to write by Jan 10th and exams to revise for. I can't do any of it. I suck at engineering. I want to play music. I get stressed to the point where I struggle to breathe. I just want a break from this.

There have been good times. Work was fun over summer. But I kind of struggled with finding me time if you get me. Reading Festival was amazing and I want to go to next years (that I can't afford).

Mum relapsed with cancer this year and has just about finished chemo. It will probably always be like this but it is really worrying. I love my mum...

I am struggling to write this and I don't know where it is going. It's kind of stressing me out. But anyway. I'm going ice skating tomorrow. Good night.

Wednesday, December 02, 2015

10 years on...

So I haven't posted anything this year until now. I realise that there is probably no one reading this, and to be honest that is a good thing. This post is just to comfort myself by there being a post every year on this blog since 2005.... Woah... 10 years.... 10 years since my dad made this thing for me.

Right now I am in my first year at the University of Surrey, studying aerospace engineering. I guess back when I was 8 I had no clue that I would be here. I probably didn't really know what university was, or even what secondary school was. I get this feeling that I am growing up far too fast. Seeing my past written down on a blog brings up so many memories. Then the nostalgia kicks in.

I reread a couple of posts from when I was 8. The first one was entitled "I'M SICK!!!". Clearly I hadn't quite learnt how to spell "diarrhoea", but then I always do use the spell checker on that word! Anyway, the reason I bring up this particular event was because, as I read it, I remembered it so clearly. I remember so well going to the bathroom and flooding it with my vomit. I remember why it happened, and my mum's reaction as well! Those details aren't even written in the post. The point is, I can remember some things as if they were yesterday, when in fact they were 10 years ago.

The other post I reread was actually my first ever post. Posted on 29 July 2005 at 7.18 pm, I had reviewed (well explained the plot of) the book "Cool!" by Michael Morpurgo. It is very odd that just a couple of weeks ago, someone reminded me of Michael Morpurgo, and so I started remembering this book. I can remember what happened in the book, despite only reading it the once over 10 years ago. I know that this book is still on my shelf at home, and I am tempted to read it again. This will bring back old memories.

On another note, there are some memories that seem to bring you down just after the memory happened. Some people call them the "blues". For example, the "post gig blues" you get after a gig. I was at the Bring Me The Horizon gig on 28 November 2015 at Alexandra Palace. The gig was amazing, but after the high you get from the gig wears off, you suddenly realise that the thing you had been waiting months for is over... And that is that... You spend ages watching the videos you took at the gig and that is it.... The memory has caught up with you literally a few hours after the memory took place.

Anyway..... Anyway...... ANYWAY........... This post really doesn't have a point to it and I don't really know why I am posting it... But I just hope that if you are unfortunate enough to be the one person reading this post, that you realise that no matter what you do.... You will not escape your memories. Your memories will catch up to you, whether it be 2 days or 10 years from now, or maybe when you are on your death bed.

Thank you, random citizen, for reading this senseless ramble... I apologise for the poor grammar (It is 1:52 am). I just felt like getting all this off my chest....