Christmas, new year etc

So we have pretty much just gone round the sun again. This year, for the first time in my life I’m financially stable, with no dependents (single and no kids). 

Anyway, the way we do our Christmas presents on dad’s side of the fam is sort of a secret Santa. I got given one of my cousin’s names. So I bought what was on her list and sent it to her. Didn’t think it was a big deal. Anyway, my aunt sent back £25 saying ‘it wasn’t fair’. I don’t think Christmas is about what is fair and what isn’t. Why can’t people just accept gifts? Someone recommend me a charity and they can have this money.

On another note, who reckons 2021 will be just as bad as 2020? At least in 2020 we had until March to be free! I guess we’ll see how effective this vaccine is. I just want to party.

My sister just left but when my sister said ‘I’m going to have to go soon’, our google home said ‘we’re looking forward to it’. If that isn’t the most savage thing one of these AI assistant things has said then I don’t know what is.

Some resolutions for the next year:

- Release a single

- Make some new friends

- Make plans for a skate ramp, 300Wh battery pack, van

- Go to at least 1 festival

Be different. Be yourself. Stop stereotyping.

If you are going to comment on this, please make sure to read the whole thing first.

As many people will know, gender has been one of the major controversial topics of the 21st century. To be quite honest, I think the whole thing is sexist.

So where does gender come from? As humans we notice patterns. We grow up and we see biological men and biological women and we invent stereotypes of what we see these men are like and what we see these women are like and so on and so forth. These stereotypes are completely fabricated by our own minds and we can't stop ourselves creating these. They are also reinforced by advertising and marketing. These stereotypes are completely based on what we see other people doing outwardly (obviously we don't have eyes inside other peoples' heads).

We then look at ourselves and we notice that we don't fit in to these stereotypes. For example, I am a straight man but I wouldn't say I fit the "manly stereotype", I am fairly "stereo-typically feminine" so to speak. But this does not mean I am not a man and it also does not mean I am not straight. I had counselling once and the counsellor tried to "diagnose me" as trans (yes it was CAMHS). I have also had a fair number of people ask me if I am and accuse me of being gay (partly because I am not constantly hitting on women - a straight male stereotype), but sexuality is not what I am talking about here. 

Basically, the problem is that people want to put labels on things. Then when they don't fit the labels they were assigned (i.e. their biological sex), they believe that they should be something else so they can fit in.

This is all completely stupid. You can be a man and wear high heels and make up and be submissive. You can be a woman and play American football, have high aggression and be dominant. The fact is that all humans are different and we should not define ourselves by these umbrella categories of different "genders". If there were no such thing as "gender stereotypes" and everyone would just be themselves (a human with a penis, or a human with a menstrual system), then there would be none of these problems of gender dysphoria. 

By claiming that you should have been part of another sex (using gender), you are being sexist, claiming that all people of your assigned biological sex are like one thing (that you aren't), and all people of the other assigned biological sex are like another thing (which you are). This is stereotyping, stop doing it. 

Be different. Be yourself. There is no such thing as gender. You don't need to fit in.

I'll probably get a lot of hate for this.

Existential crises, motivation and doing nothing...

These three things are a vicious cycle. I find it so hard to motivate myself to do anything, because there is very little that makes me feel satisfied or accomplished. This inevitably leads to doing nothing as I can't get the drive for it. As a result I overthink and contemplate life. This causes existential crises which cause another reduction in motivation, continuing the cycle.

It's difficult to know where the loop starts but I think it comes from doing nothing, even for a short time. This is unpreventable, if we constantly did stuff we would crash due to fatigue eventually. I want to surround myself with motivated people, the kind that truly believe they can accomplish anything. I wish I could believe that for myself. I guess this comes down to my lack of confidence which I also want to talk about.

Confidence is all about tricking people into believing you know what you are doing or talking about. The fact is, no one actually knows what they are doing or talking about they just make you think they do. Confidence is the key to getting a job, making friends, dating etc.. To have confidence you just need to be able to remember that no one is going to judge you. We are so self-absorbed as people that we constantly fear rejection and judgement, all the while not judging or rejecting other people. Why would people reject or judge us if we aren't doing the same to them? All this is made worse by social media, people faking their lives for likes, shares and followers, making everything seem perfect. 

The "clean house" theory. I currently still live with my parents, so I let them know when I have a friend to stay. However, my mother feels the need to obsessively clean the house as though the people I have invited actually care about what the house looks like when they come. When they are here, they see not a spec of dust. This is what my parents want them to see. They would come to my house regardless of whether the house was clean or not. They came to see me, not the house. This is the propaganda version of our house. 

Why can't we just be honest with everyone instead of subconsciously projecting lies in everything we do?